Have you ever been with a person, who you were so sure was your complete counterpart. The one person in the world that you were absolutely meant to be with? Nat was that person for me. Even if she didn't feel the same way I wouldn't change one minute of our time together. For the first time in my life I was in love, happy in love! She gave me that. She made me see forever. Sure we had our differences, and our share of fights, but that's what made us work. Opposites attract was our motto. And it fit, it worked.
As the roomate of my previous ex our relationship, or even friendship seemed doomed from the start. Comments of jealousy flew from Yo-Yo's mouth as she discovered the growing friendship between Natasha and I. So I backed off a bit, as to not cause any more drama in the High Street Apartments. But on the 14th of january, 2002 I gave in.
It's a night I'll never forget. We layed there on the bed for hours. Talking, and laughing, and kissing. Until 6 o'clock in the morning. We couldn't get enough of each other. Sure I was hesitant at first. Nat being only my second girlfriend, I was skeptical of everything. My true feelings, her true feelings, Yo-Yo's jealousy! But laying there that night I didn't care.
At breakfast the next morning I sat next to her in the booth, looked over at her, and smiled. She was my girlfriend.
We were a unique pair that's for sure. Her with her spiked hair, baggy jeans, t-shirts, and nike tennis shoes. And me with my tight jeans, polo shirts, highlighted hair, and Adidas shoes. The differences definatley got in the way sometimes. But the way we were together made up for it all.
She could make me laugh, god was she good at it. We would spend many nights just laying in bed talking, and laughing, and playing until 4 in the morning! Madison trips, Green Bay trips, Secret spot, Pillow Talks, softball games, Eastbay........It was never boring with her. Every day was a new adventure. Every day I loved her more.
I loved her, more than anybody before her, more than myself I think. I lived that year to try and make her happy, just to see her smile.
But I had to leave. I wasn't happy in Oshkosh. My best friend had become a stranger to me, I was hanging around people I had nothing in common with, and my life was at a stagnent point. I needed to get back on track. So I applied at IADT in Chicago, got accepted, and I left 3 months later. As time came to say goodbye, I wanted so badly to say "come with me". Come live with me in Chicago. But her life was going one way, and mine another, so I sucked it up, gave her a kiss, told her I loved her, and drove away while the tears poured down.
The distance tore us apart, as we both knew it would. We tried for a while. It just got too hard. I had no car so I was constantly stuck in Chicago, and she just couldn't find the time or money to make it down to see me. All I wanted was to be with her, and as the months grew on, she pulled further and further away.
I would cry, and cry, and cry. More than I've ever cried before. I missed her so much. I loved her so much. But it wasn't enough. New years came....our new years....and new years went. As I hugged her that morning, I knew it would be the last time I would hold her, touch her, kiss her like that. I tried to make it last, but it was over before I realized what had happened. On my drive back to Burlington that morning I remember stopping, looking in my rear view mirror, and saying goodbye. Something inside told me that was it. Two weeks later, with a promise broken, she said her goodbye's...and I cried.
I didn't accept it at first. Thinking there was actually a chance for us to be together again. So I hung on, so tightly, for months! Any excuse to hang out I took it. Any excuse to talk, i took it. Any excuse just to see my boo again, I took. For months I was the pathetic girl I swore I'd never be. Time couldn't go fast enough. Every night I would pray that tomorrow would be the day I'd wake up and everything would be okay. I'd pray that finally I would have my peace, and I'd be rid of this pain! I was ill! What's with that!? But, as I knew it would, the pain slowly left. Soon she was only the second thing I thought of in the morning, then the third, then the fourth......until eventually, I smiled again.
I don't think I'll ever be able to let her go. How is it possible to just ignore something that I felt so strongly about? That kind of love doesn't just dissapear. No matter how much we wish it would. I have moved on, it was hard. But it was for the best. Wishing on her absence just left me with tears.
We don't talk very much anymore. Once every few months if that. But I'll never forget her.
I love you Nat
You'll always be my boo