Who is this Monkey girl and what is she doing in my life?!
Yeah, I've asked myself the same question. And I've decided that I don't need an answer. If it feels right go for it. This feels right.
She came out of nowhere really. Still heartbroken over Nat, I vowed to get my mind off things and road trip to Oshkosh to be with some old friends. It was just what I needed. A night of drinking with my three best friends, a reconciliation between the one person I thought I would never talk to again in my life, and the meeting of my future girlfriend.
Okay so at first I thought she was going to be the future girlfriend of one of my girls. As we've tried to convince her of her bisexuality in the past, she was always reluctant, until Monkey came along. The two of them spent the rest of the night making out and flirting. I remember sitting at the bar watching them for a sec and thinking to myself, maybe now she'll understand me.
On the car ride home she wasn't really sure what to think of everything but she did say that she understands a little more my situation with Nat. How a "butch" can be so cute and attractive. STOP THE BUS! Was I really hearing this? I had waited a year for someone to say it's alright Christi, I understand. I was overjoyed that the second I got back to Chicago I got Monkey's AOL Screen Name and IM'd her. Telling her THANK YOU for making Erin a bit more open minded......we continued to talk from there.
It was strictly pluetonic at first. I was still hurt over nat, she was still getting rid of baggage with her ex...we were just friends. It was nice. Sure we flirted a little bit but, I'm a flirt by nature. Truly harmless.
Enter Pride Fest. I had previously arranged to be her "date" for the event but come on, what did that really entail. Holding her hand on the grounds and sleeping in the same bed? I do that stuff with my friends, so I didn't think anything of it. But then I arrived and things started to change. we had lunch, just me and her, before everyone got there and I had a BLAST! We talked as if we had known each other for a long time. Nothing too in depth, just steady conversation. AFter lunch we went to check into our hotel and of course it wasn't ready yet, so we decided to just sit and wait in the loby until it was ready. IT was the only creative thing we could think of to do under the circumstances hehe. But I didn't mind at all. I was intrigued by her personality. So much different than mine. She had me rolling in laughter with the things that came out of her mouth. The hour or so passed like nothing and we were able to go to our room. As the night moved on Kiers and Karnitz showed up, we had some beers in the hotel room, and we were ready to head to the grounds. Then she held my hand, and a chill ran through me. It was weird? I hadn't had that in a LONG time. Okay yeah maybe it was the cold considering it was like 45 degrees outside but paired with a few butterflies, I knew what it was. I was developing a crush.
That night, after a crazy evening including one VERY wet jennifer Karnitz, we all said our goodnights, crawled into bed, and turned out the lights. I layed there for a while, hoping she would just roll over, put her arm around me, and keep me warm. I missed cuddling so much, I just wanted to feel that again. But, she didn't so I decided to force her to hehe. I curled up under her arm, layed my head on her chest, and fell asleep to the sound of her breathing.
The next morning I had to leave early to attend to some family business but I was overly excited to return to the grounds to be with her again. As the day progressed I felt this overwhelming urge to kiss her. I had kissed her the night before but it was nothing too spectacular. I kissed Kiers, I had kissed Monkey. Big deal. But that day was different. So I did. I didn't want it to end. For the rest of the night it was all I thought about. How I wanted to kiss her again, and hold her close. So many times on my drive back to Chicago I wanted to turn around and follow her home, just to lay there again like the night before.
But I started to question things. My true motive for liking her. Was I just liking the attention? Was I over Natasha? Can I handle another long distance relationship? so I told her I didn't want to make "us" official. I needed time to sort through my feelings. I realized that I wasn't fully over Nat at the time, so I wasn't going to bring Monkey into that sort of baggage. And I was skeptical of the distance. The first try at it hurt me so bad. I wasn't sure if I was willing to put myself through something like that again.
But I was wrong. Even while I was sorting through my feelings, Monkey made an effort to see me. Driving all the way from Oshkosh to surprize me at work, planning weekend excursions for the two of us. Calling me, text messaging me, emailing me.....she never left me with any doubt that she would always be there for me, and that she would make the effort, because I was worth it. Two months later, I gave in.
I didn't want to be sad about Nat anymore, and with her I wasn't. I didn't want to be scared about the distance anymore, and with her I wasn't. She made my fears of everything go away. I trusted her, immediately with everything, especially my emotions. Something inside me told me she wouldn't hurt me. That it would be okay to fall. So I opened myself up, and she became my girlfriend.
It's still new, but it's still great! She's wonderful. I've never felt so safe with someone before in my life. I don't question anything. I really do truly believe that she likes me. And she likes me for me. I don't have to be someone else. She's proud of who I am. Sure I'm a prep and she's not. I'm peppy and she's not. But that's what she likes about me. That's what I like about her.
Thank you Monkey for being in my life. It was very unexpected, but I don't regret a moment of it.
*muah*